Single Parents Feeling Guilty

For moms who feel guilty being a single parent, I want to tell you about my experience. My parents divorced when I was three-years old and I don't ever remember them being together. My father was in and out of my life growing up, so I felt like I never really had a dad growing up. And guess what? I was OK.

I never knew any different. This was just how my life was. I rarely felt bad growing up and really didn't wish I had a dad around. If anything, I was more proud of my mom. Even at an early age, I very keenly understood what she was up against. I was truly just fine with my situation. If my mom felt guilty about being a single parent, I would have told her to stop feeling guilty; that I was just fine.

Because my mom worked full-time to support us, my only times of feeling sad were at school when she couldn't make it to a parent day. So my advice is to really try and make it to your child's school functions. And while you are there, put your arm around a child whose parent couldn't make it. I always appreciated a mom who took interest in me on the days my mom couldn't come.

Also, I did feel a little void on Father's Day, again at school, when we were to make Father's Day cards and I didn't have a dad to make one for. It always made me feel good to make one for my grandpa instead. Maybe pass that info on to your child, so they know what to do on Father's Day in school. Nowadays, I always call my mom on Father's Day and wish her a "Happy Father's Day," because she filled both roles.

There may come a time when your child has questions about her dad. For me, this occurred during my teenage years. I appreciated that I could ask my mom questions and she would tell me the truth. I would just caution not to make the dad look like a complete villain or to get your emotions involved. Just keep to the facts (even if the facts are heart-wrenching) and let her work through her feelings. If you get upset about the conversation, your daughter will likely defend her father unknowingly and hurt your feelings in the process. Just keep cool and stick to the facts. I always liked it when my mom told me something nice about my dad too.

Honestly, there is no reason to feel guilty being a single parent. I was OK as a child and you know what? I'm a stronger, independent and hard-working adult for it. I'm proud of my mom and your child will be proud of you too. So focus on what you are doing now and let go of the past. Your child doesn't need guilt; Your child needs YOU.

• share tip
• 
• 1 comment
• 
• who approved it?
• 
• Q&A
• 
• more tips like this