The "Popsicle Stick" Analogy

I think when a teenager, especially a girl, is not invited to a dance, it can be a great teaching tool. This is the time you can evaluate their self-esteem and help them through it by teaching them they don't need a date to be a beautiful, confident, smart girl. Think about it - Everyone goes through the dating roller coaster. Why not use this as an example of how to enjoy the ride (even if alone), while your kids are still at home in your care? Some day they'll be out on their own trying to navigate the world and that includes dating and perhaps some day marriage. If you can teach them that they "don't need a guy" now, they'll be much more healthy as they do date for real.

During one of my psychology classes, we learned the "Popsicle Stick" analogy. If you press two sticks together at an angle, like they are supporting one another, sooner or later one of the sticks will slip and both will fall. If on the other hand you put both sticks side by side, neither will fall. The point: Two individual, self-confident people make a great relationship. On the flip side, two people leaning on the other for their own stability will eventually fall.

Communicate this to your daughter who didn't get invited to the big dance in an adult way. She's old enough to get it. Tell her to develop herself first and then everything else will fall into place. Build her up as a strong young woman who would be a great date, but doesn't have to have one.

Then take her out shopping the night of the dance, make great conversation with her, get ice cream and make a special night for your daughter. Or have her friends who also didn't get invited come over for a party at your house. Life can be fun no matter what. Be creative!

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