Unsaid “Rules” of American Idol
I’m a big American Idol fan. It’s really the only adult TV I get to watch. My kids know on Tuesday and Wednesday night for one to two hours, I get to do nothing but watch my show. As I’ve watched American Idol all these years, I’ve come up with some rules or theories about the show. Each night, one of these unsaid rules gets broken and I wonder why some of the contestants haven’t figured these out yet. So, for the current contestants and for all future contestants, I want to let you in on these, so you’re not standing up on the stage looking confused when the judges tell you that you sound like a rehashed cruise ship singer.
-- When the show goes “live” for the first time, do NOT sing a slow song. You have to sing a powerhouse song. You gotta make us love you the very first night out. You’ll create a huge following out-of-the-gate. Sing a ballet 3-4 weeks into the competition to show your soft side.
-- If you are singing first, it means your performance is good, but not great. If you are singing second, it means you have the worst performance of the night. Try to avoid slot two.
-- If you are singing last, it means you have the best performance of the night. The only time this rule gets broken is if you also had the best performance last week. They will then move you to third to the last or thereabouts, so you are not singing last two weeks in a row. In this case, the second to best performance then sings last. If you’re really good, you’ll get to sing last 2-3 times during the season.
-- If you are singing first, be warned. You may be in the bottom three, because no one can remember you by the time the show ends. If you are singing last, you will not be in the bottom three, because everyone will remember you and you were the best anyway.
-- Have a sad story, so voters can get behind you. Show them you’ve been through “something” and therefore deserve to be there. This is how you make an emotional connection with the audience.
-- Have a personality. You gotta make people laugh or feel something. During your video presentation before each performance, make us laugh (or cry). Then during or after the judges' remarks, say something witty and fun. Make us smile! Whatever you do, don’t “promise” you’ll be better next week if America votes for you. Show us why to vote for you instead. It only takes an extra funny comment and we’ll pick up the phone.
-- No matter what, under no circumstances will you become proud and tell the judges off. Never. Don’t even try this. It will always backfire on you. We want to vote for someone who is humble and willing to take criticism. The moment you talk back to the judges, you will be in the bottom three. You don’t always have to be gracious either. You can laugh about it too! Being able to laugh at yourself shows you are comfortable in your own skin.
-- When Simon tells you that you did a great job, we want to see you jump for joy. Really get excited. That always makes us smile and we will vote for you, because we want to see you succeed too.
-- You have to make the song “your own” or you will sound like a wedding singer or wanna be. This is how you do it: 1. Do not sing a song just because it’s your favorite song. 2. Pick a song that has a big ending. That makes us excited and shows your range. 3. Sing only a song that you would put on an album of your own. 4. If you are a girl, consider a song originally sung by a man and vice versa. 5. Don’t dress the part and don’t mimic the original singer in any way. Be yourself always. 6. You can show versatility, but don’t leave who you are in order to do so. All of these things will make a song “yours” and show the judges you are unique, interesting and on your way to stardom.
-- Don’t sing a song that is 20 years old if you are a teenager. Choose a current song, but make it your own. If you have to choose an old song, make it current. Again, only do the song if you would put it on your album. This is how you know it is current.
-- If you can’t dance, don’t try. A controlled performance is better than awkward movements. Trust me, you’ll get judged on your dancing instead of your singing and everyone will be embarrassed.
-- Become friends with Ryan Seacrest. I don’t know how you do this, but I’ve noticed that Ryan is more chummy with certain contestants (but please, don’t kiss up to him; he’s smarter than that). If he likes you a lot, he’ll try harder to “sell” you at the end. So, figure this out and get on his good side. I like Ryan, by the way.
And last, but not least: You don’t have to win to become famous. If you are true to who you are and we like that, you’ll make it regardless if you become the next American Idol or not.
-- When the show goes “live” for the first time, do NOT sing a slow song. You have to sing a powerhouse song. You gotta make us love you the very first night out. You’ll create a huge following out-of-the-gate. Sing a ballet 3-4 weeks into the competition to show your soft side.
-- If you are singing first, it means your performance is good, but not great. If you are singing second, it means you have the worst performance of the night. Try to avoid slot two.
-- If you are singing last, it means you have the best performance of the night. The only time this rule gets broken is if you also had the best performance last week. They will then move you to third to the last or thereabouts, so you are not singing last two weeks in a row. In this case, the second to best performance then sings last. If you’re really good, you’ll get to sing last 2-3 times during the season.
-- If you are singing first, be warned. You may be in the bottom three, because no one can remember you by the time the show ends. If you are singing last, you will not be in the bottom three, because everyone will remember you and you were the best anyway.
-- Have a sad story, so voters can get behind you. Show them you’ve been through “something” and therefore deserve to be there. This is how you make an emotional connection with the audience.
-- Have a personality. You gotta make people laugh or feel something. During your video presentation before each performance, make us laugh (or cry). Then during or after the judges' remarks, say something witty and fun. Make us smile! Whatever you do, don’t “promise” you’ll be better next week if America votes for you. Show us why to vote for you instead. It only takes an extra funny comment and we’ll pick up the phone.
-- No matter what, under no circumstances will you become proud and tell the judges off. Never. Don’t even try this. It will always backfire on you. We want to vote for someone who is humble and willing to take criticism. The moment you talk back to the judges, you will be in the bottom three. You don’t always have to be gracious either. You can laugh about it too! Being able to laugh at yourself shows you are comfortable in your own skin.
-- When Simon tells you that you did a great job, we want to see you jump for joy. Really get excited. That always makes us smile and we will vote for you, because we want to see you succeed too.
-- You have to make the song “your own” or you will sound like a wedding singer or wanna be. This is how you do it: 1. Do not sing a song just because it’s your favorite song. 2. Pick a song that has a big ending. That makes us excited and shows your range. 3. Sing only a song that you would put on an album of your own. 4. If you are a girl, consider a song originally sung by a man and vice versa. 5. Don’t dress the part and don’t mimic the original singer in any way. Be yourself always. 6. You can show versatility, but don’t leave who you are in order to do so. All of these things will make a song “yours” and show the judges you are unique, interesting and on your way to stardom.
-- Don’t sing a song that is 20 years old if you are a teenager. Choose a current song, but make it your own. If you have to choose an old song, make it current. Again, only do the song if you would put it on your album. This is how you know it is current.
-- If you can’t dance, don’t try. A controlled performance is better than awkward movements. Trust me, you’ll get judged on your dancing instead of your singing and everyone will be embarrassed.
-- Become friends with Ryan Seacrest. I don’t know how you do this, but I’ve noticed that Ryan is more chummy with certain contestants (but please, don’t kiss up to him; he’s smarter than that). If he likes you a lot, he’ll try harder to “sell” you at the end. So, figure this out and get on his good side. I like Ryan, by the way.
And last, but not least: You don’t have to win to become famous. If you are true to who you are and we like that, you’ll make it regardless if you become the next American Idol or not.
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