There is a pretty hip book out right now called Mama, Ph.D. It is a series of vignettes written by women who have earned advanced degrees while raising their children. This caught my attention because I finished my graduate degree this spring. When my diploma came in the mail a couple of months ago, I hung it up on the fridge. My insight about this academic pursuit is probably not quite hip enough to be included in Mama, Ph.D, but here's what I would have said anyway . . .

I started working on this degree ten years after leaving my job as an English teacher. My teaching certificate had completely expired and that felt strange. It was a job I loved. If I needed to go back to teaching, they wouldn't even let me in. So I started looking into ways to re-certify. The path that made the most sense was a graduate degree. After working (truly working) for ten years as a mother, putting together my graduate school application was unnerving. I didn't even know where to begin. Who would write my letters of recommendation? The other playgroup moms?  Is there a day to take the GRE that doesn't interfere with dance or piano lessons? I questioned this decision over and over. At every turn were obstacles that forced me out of my comfort zone. But I worked through them a class at a time, in the same way I start in one small corner to clean out the garage. About four years later I looked up and realized I was finished.

Many have asked me why I didn't walk in the spring graduation. They have insisted that I needed to do it for my girls.  The real reason why I didn't walk is I couldn't think of anyone I didn't like enough to make them sit with my girls through the long ceremony. If I really want to impress them, there are much simpler routes (like blowing a really big bubble with my gum.) But another reason I didn't walk is because I didn't earn the degree for them. I earned it for me.

Currently I am working on several interesting projects that do not require a graduate degree. But it was the pursuit of the degree that gave me the confidence to engage in these projects. I wouldn't advocate every mom going back to school. But I do advocate moms doing whatever it is that keeps their confidence up. It might be heading up a PTA committee or taking ice skating lessons. It might be teaching yoga or learning how to set up a web page. I really believe it is important for moms to do at least one thing that pushes them outside of their mommy circle. At least it has been important for me. We can do things, even in the midst of motherhood, that keep our minds growing. While my girls will have no memories of mom at a ceremony, I hope this part at least, they'll remember.

(c) 2008 Carrie Finlinson