WORKSHOP on Managing Your Time - Turn Your Life Around

Welcome to our ceoMom Workshop on Time Management. Moms have so much to do in so little time. If you feel overwhelmed, exhausted and run over, this is the workshop for you. We’re going to show you how to pick yourself up, manage your time and even create a little extra space for you.

Why get in charge of your time? Because you have important things to do. And you might just be missing the boat, because you’re too busy looking for your keys, rushing to the soccer game or walking around like a zombie for lack of sleep. Besides, when you take the reigns of your time, you will gain confidence, reduce your stress level, find time for the things you want to do and even gain insight into your life and overall happiness. Now’s the time to stop running out of time.

To begin, it is important to ask yourself some questions to gain a sense of where you are. Think about these questions as they pertain to your daily living.

-- How often do you find yourself planning ahead to avoid conflicts and stress?
-- Do you have a checklist or write down your plans on a daily basis?
-- How spontaneous are you? Are you flexible with your plans?
-- How often do you get everything done that you planned to accomplish in a day?
-- How often is your schedule thrown off by urgent matters?
-- How often do you make time for the things you care about most?

Last and most important:
-- What is it that you want out of life?

You always have to know what it is you want, or else you will not be able to create the life you desire. Remember the quote from Albert Einstein: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Tomorrow we will discuss how to turn your life around – literally.

ceoMom 101

If you came to this Workshop to find a way to get everything done on your list, forget it. It's not going to happen. But don't be disappointed. We're going to show you a bigger vision instead and still provide the tricks of the masters. You'll get the job done with more meaning than ever before.

Time management is not about accomplishing a big list. It is simply a matter of priorities. If you are not living with your priorities, you are not living the life you want. How you choose to spend your time is an immediate reflection of what you consider to be the most important action at any given moment. Most of us do this unconsciously — never realizing our actions are a mirror of our priorities. That is why so many of us tell our kids to "wait a minute" while we "just have to finish" sorting the mail. The mail, at that given moment, is more important than acknowledging your child and what they want to show you.

You came to this Workshop to answer the question: How do I manage my time? Here's the quick answer: You can't. You can't manage time. Time is merely an abstract concept to help us keep appointments and be somewhere at the same time as somebody else. Time only exists as a mental construct. You can't manage it. So the question is not: How do I manage my time? The real question is: How do I get what I want?

Do you want a clean house? Do you want to spend quality time with your children? Do you want to pay your bills on time, have nutritious food on the table and get enough sleep? Do you want a certain level of peace in your house, a good book to read and a date night with your special someone? What about a clear mind that doesn't worry about everything? You always have to know what it is you want.

So what do you want? How do you want your day to go? Let's start by examining a typical mom's thought process.

A typical mom — let's name her "Betty" — starts her day by climbing up a big hill. Betty wakes up and immediately realizes all she has to do that day. She starts at the bottom and works her way up. Betty has a very big list of things to do and she gets a little done here and a little done there. She gets interrupted constantly, all the while worrying about the list that is not getting done. By the time the kids come home from school, Betty is already exhausted. She gets through the evening and barely manages to read a story to her kids, but really she'd rather be sleeping. The next morning, Betty wakes up to a new day to start the insanity over, only this time she's even more tired to begin with.

View the Triangle diagram below, Triangle A. Betty represents a typical mom trying to juggle everything. You will notice in the bottom section of the Triangle are all the general household items. The middle section represents the things that matter most. The top section is time meant for you.

This Triangle is only a representation. It will change from person to person, day to day and year to year. Heck, it might even change mid-morning. Most moms start there at the bottom and work their way up. There is no plan, but chaos. If moms are lucky, they might get some of the items in the middle important section, but rarely get to the top. This is how most moms operate.

Well, it's time to stop climbing up hill. Downhill is a much easier walk anyway. If you want to turn your life around and stop fighting the clock, start at the top of your triangle (see Triangle B) and work your way down instead. Yes, that means starting with YOU. Some of you will find this shocking.

There was a book out several years ago that discussed the secret to getting rich. The concept was easy. The rich pay themselves first. Before they pay the bills or buy groceries, they put money away to save. Sometimes that meant not going out to dinner or going without paper towels for that month, but paying themselves first was the key to gaining wealth. Over time the savings accumulates into richness.

This same concept is true for managing your time too. You have to start at the top of the Triangle by devoting time to yourself. Initially, this might mean the floors go unclean or the toys stay out a few extra days. If anyone says anything to you, just say with a smile: "I'm going downhill."

Soon you'll see how giving yourself time will lead to more. Why? Because when you give to yourself, you have more to give to your family and to your home. On the flip side, when you are spent, there is no more to give. Make YOU your first priority. Go for a run, read a good book, go to lunch with your girlfriends... Invest 15 minutes a day on yourself and see how you add up.

Just because you begin at the top of the Triangle doesn't mean you have to start with yourself first thing in the morning. Some of us have to go to work or volunteer or shower for the day. This is a mind shift. A shift of priorities. It's simplifying your grand list to answer the question: How do I get want I want?

As you move down your Triangle, instead of up, your priorities go to what matters most in your life: Your children, your significant other, growing opportunities and education. Communication and listening becomes significant instead of forced. You realize by taking the time to communicate and listen, passage ways open up to you and your family to accomplish more than you thought possible.

As you make your way down the Triangle, you accomplish what you can instead of worrying about your grand list. Most moms find monumental success in choosing THREE household items to accomplish per day. Those three things change from day to day, but quickly add up. Five days later, you will have accomplished 15 projects. And with any remaining time on your hands, you can accomplish extra items or little things here and there. It's where you used to start. Now it's where you end.

Everyone's Triangle will be different. It's time for you to move from chaos to structure. What are your priorities? Make your own Triangle. When you make your list the night before of all the things you need to get done, put it in a Triangle form with you on the top and what matters most to you in the middle. Start at the peak of the mountain and enjoy the view from the top before cascading down the mountain trail.

Tomorrow we will focus on making that journey down a little bit easier. For those of you who want "time management" skills, we'll show you the way.

ceoMom 101

You wanted time management skills and we've got them. Get ready. It's a big list (no pun intended).

First rule in time management: It takes time to make time (including taking the time to read this Workshop). In other words, a small investment of time can literally create extra space in your life to be spent on things that really matter. When you build a house, you first make a plan. When you take a family vacation, you make arrangements before your plane lands. Think about how hard it would be to build a house if you didn't have architectural drawings? Or how fun it would be to find a hotel at Disneyland if you didn't have reservations? The same strategy applies to your every day living. You have to spend time to create time, and you do this to have the time of your life.

The following contains wisdom from moms who have mastered time management. Some are practical ideas and others will change the way you think. It all adds up to gaining control, relieving stress and creating a special space in your life for you and those you love.

— Communication is key. Each Sunday evening, hold a "download" session. Get with your family and write everything down on your calendar. Then everyone knows what is expected that week and there are no surprises. This investment of time will help alleviate any confusion, disappointment and stress that can come with chaos.

— Calculate how much time you spend a day/year looking for things. Even if you only spend one minute per day looking for something, that's over six hours per year. Think about how much time you waste looking for your keys, glasses or trying to find matching socks. If it's in a pile and it takes you an hour to find something, that's not a good use of your time. Come up with a solution and solve these time busters. Frustration will end and time will be created to tickle the little feet you are putting socks on.

— Write everything down. As soon as it's on paper, you can forget about it. Keep your mind clear for more important objectives.

— Set your timer to go off every hour. This will help you realize how time can fly by. You may not realize how much time you spend writing emails or how long the kids have been watching TV or how long you've been on the phone. When that timer goes off, you'll find areas of your time you can make more effective. Or you might realize how much time goes by without a smile or laugh. Try this for even one day. You'll never forget it.

— Whenever you find yourself procrastinating or sitting on the couch too long, ask yourself: "What am I trying to avoid?"

— If you find yourself feeling unmotivated, give yourself some options. Choose three things you could do and pick the one that feels the most appealing to you.

— Go to bed early. When you have at least eight hours of sleep consistently, you will have more energy to accomplish all you wish to do. A tired mom does not accomplish much. If you invest an extra hour or two of sleep per night, you will create at least eight hours of full alertness during the day.

— Rise early. When you wake up before the rest of the family, you will accomplish ten times more in the morning. Even just rise a little earlier one or two days per week.

— Greatness comes from realizing your weaknesses. If you recognize you are not great at something, don't push yourself into doing it more. Focus on what works for you and tell yourself it's ok to say "no."

— Be able to say "no" on a regular basis. Keep your goals in mind and if something comes up or if someone asks you to do something that could thwart your efforts to maintain order and peace in your home, say "no." Being able to say no shows confidence in who you are and what you are seeking or being.

— Keep a large calendar in the central location of your house (typically your kitchen). Write down all appointments, games, activities, etc. If someone in your family mentions something to you, say: "Write it on the calendar." Some moms find color coding works well too. One color per child, so you can easily keep track of each child's activities.

— Put a picture of your family in your office, in your wallet, on your frig or hanging on your rear view mirror. This will be a reminder to you of your priorities.

— Most moms want some level of peace in their homes, but don't know how to get it. You must first create the mood. Play soothing music or ocean waves and birds chirping. Take several deep breaths and become calm yourself. When you are at peace, your kids will learn how to be at peace too. You have to be what you want.

— Create a space in your home for you. When the kids are asleep, it's a place you can go and curl up with a good book. This will rejuvenate and relax you in preparation for the next day.

— Make a list the night before of what you would like to accomplish the following day. Limit your list, so you are not overwhelmed. If you need help creating lists, click here for more info.

— Go for quality time with your kids. Many moms focus on quantity time with their kids. They think if they are around all day, that's good enough. Really, kids want quality time, even if it's 15 solid minutes per day. If you make this a priority, you will see and feel the true importance of your time.

— Set alarms on your phone, so you won't forget important things. If your phone has multiple rings, you can choose different rings to represent different items. For example, a "dog barking" might remind you it's library day at school (so don't forget to put the book in your child's backpack), a "doorbell" sound tells you it's dry cleaning day and "crickets" gives you a five minute warning that it's time to pick up car pool. This allows your mind to rest and not spin with so much to remember.

— You can also use your cell phone or PDA to keep track of activities, appointments and birthdays all with reminders. Some phones allow you to write notes and keep grocery lists.

— Don't be afraid to text. It's the new thing and moms are loving it too. It's quick and easy communication. "I'm on my way home," "Good luck today" and "Where are you?" are just a few of the things you can say and figure out by texting. Texting is also a great way to stay in touch with out-of-state family members and friends.

— You can also communicate with your husband or other important people by using an instant messenger on your computer. Google Talk is one instant messenger that works great. This way you can communicate and reach others even if they are in a meeting. "Can you pick up French bread" becomes an easy conversation.

— Create a "master" shopping list and shop only once a week. Do a quick audit before you go shopping and buy everything you need for the week at one time. This includes planning what you will cook during the week eliminating the question: "What am I going to make for dinner tonight?" This not only saves massive time and frustration, but money.

— Come up with a meal solution that works for your family. This alleviates the stress of what to cook for dinner every night. You could cook three times per week; have leftovers or something quick three times per week and go out to dinner one night. You can arrange your plans around your activity schedule. Here is a sample schedule:

• Sunday: Cook Dinner
• Monday: Leftovers
• Tuesday: Cook Dinner
• Wednesday: Leftovers
• Thursday: Cook Dinner
• Friday: Leftovers or Pizza Night
• Saturday: Go to Dinner

— Use a notebook to keep track of your day, your to-do's and keep all important info handy. Then you're not scrambling to find a single sheet of paper or a sticky note. It's in your notebook. Attach a pen to the notebook spiral and really be prepared to take notes and cross things off.

— It's truly hard to think when you have lots of clutter in your house. Clean it up and form a system to alleviate it. You can sell your things online, have a garage sale, donate or order a dumpster. Do what it takes. Click here for more info on getting your life in order.

— Create a schedule that works for you and not necessarily for someone else. This will provide you with the time and flexibility to accomplish what you wish and to make room for the things you care about most. You know your schedule is working for you when you are no longer fighting your life. Keep trying new things until you find what works for you. There is always a solution.

— Whenever you find yourself waiting, use this time to review your priorities and list. Use this time to make a quick phone call or send a text. You can even read a few pages of your favorite book. Just don't waste waiting time.

— Look ahead two months, one month, two weeks, etc. to anticipate what might happen. This way you can monitor upcoming birthdays, events and activities and not be surprised.

— Do your worst tasks first thing in the morning or as soon as you can. Then you don't spend your whole day dreading having to do something.

— Understand that housework has short term benefits and spending time with your kids has long term benefits. Create balance.

— Be persistent. When things work for you, continue doing it. If you see planning on Sunday evening works for you, keep it up. It's easy to become lax when your life starts to shape up. Keep it going instead.

— Set deadlines for yourself and for other people. Be clear in your expectations. "I need this done by Friday at noon."

— Delegate as much as possible. If you don't like vacuuming, have that be your husband's or teenager's main chore. Have your kids put away their own laundry. Have your teenager make dinner once a week (girls and boys).

— Hire help for the one thing you just can't stand. If you don't like ironing, send your shirts to the dry cleaners. If you don't like mowing your lawn, hire a neighborhood kid. If you don't have time to wash your windows, hire someone to do it. Spending a little bit of money to alleviate one major burden can often be worth it.

— Ask for advice or help. Sometimes you'll just hit a wall. The rule of thumb is this: You can always figure out a way, but sometimes you need some advice or help to do so. If you feel you need some help solving an issue, ask a friend, family member or fellow ceoMom to help you.

— Find a friend or neighbor who will swap time with you. You can watch each other's children while you each get a break to run to the grocery store or get some exercise.

— Hang a big dry erase board on your wall in or near your kitchen or on your refrigerator. This highlights upcoming events, reminders and even congratulations.

— Cut one thing out. Go ahead and do it. There's always one thing that breaks the camel's back. Whatever that one thing is for you, cut it.

— Decide today you are the one in charge of your life. Not your husband, not your kids, but you. You are the CEO of your home. For more info on stepping up, click here.

— Continually look for ways to free up your time. You might find immediate success with a few things, but keep your eye out. If something bothers you or if something unexpected comes up, think about what you would do next time. Let your mind be free to continually improve your life.

These are some of the best ideas when it comes to time management. But tomorrow we will discuss your hidden closet — the biggest thing that keeps your life chaotic and crazy. We'll see you then!

ceoMom 101

You have one major road block and it’s not your dishes, making it to soccer practice or your screaming kids. Your biggest challenge with time management is not overcoming your to-do list either. These are all outside things. Your biggest challenge is what is going on inside. It’s not the clutter on your kitchen counter, but the clutter in your mind.

Every action is preceded by a thought. In fact, every emotion is preceded by a thought. If you want to become more productive and feel good about what you are doing, you need to clean out your mental clutter and think like a master mom. We’ll show you how and you may never think the same way again.

Every action takes energy. You know this. Think about how difficult it is to wake up in the middle of the night to a child who has wet their bed. You are very keenly aware of how much energy it takes to change those sheets at two o’clock in the morning.

Every emotion you feel takes energy. Have you ever become so tired because you are, as you say, emotionally drained? You know this to be true after trying to get your baby to sleep through the night or going through potty training or dealing with a number of mom issues.

Every thought takes energy too. “I’m so tired of thinking,” you say after your head spins all day concerning a matter. Maybe you’re trying to figure out how to solve a problem your child is having. That would be a good use of your mental energy; however, most moms are using their brain power for something else: a junk drawer.

Guilt about the past, fear and worry about the future, what could have been, what should I do about this and that, how could that person say that to me?, what if?… all clutter your mind, waste your energy and detract you from your main objective: conserving energy to do what you most cherish. Our minds like to think, rethink and think some more. It’s a like a dryer without clothes stuck on high. It spins and spins and spins for no purpose wasting energy. Eventually the machine breaks down. Moms do too.

This mental clutter eats away our ability to focus, to become calm, to connect with our children and significant other. It wastes our energy and destroys our brain power. When your mind is somewhere else and your child approaches you, it’s very difficult to stop the mind and focus on your child. Often you just nod, so they think you are paying attention. Really you’re absorbed with what happened yesterday and how you’re going to handle tomorrow. But you’re child needs you now.

Mental clutter affects your time management. You can’t find your keys, because you were thinking about something else when you set them down. You’re so overwhelmed by the future that you can’t seem to deal with the current mess. Your mind is a broken record about something that happened in the past so that you can’t focus on what’s happening today. All the while, you are burning energy. Energy that could be used to benefit you and your family.

We need energy. In fact, we need a lot of it. Running a family, a job that is 24/7, takes enormous amounts of energy. From getting the kids ready in the morning to getting them to bed at night, it’s never ending. And many of us don’t stop to recharge. No wonder we’re exhausted, overwhelmed and constantly out of energy. We need to conserve our resources and instead our minds are spinning constantly with items we either can’t change or can’t predict.

When we first learn to manage our schedules, we realize it takes time to make time. The opposite is true with mental clutter. It doesn’t take any time at all. By not thinking constantly, you make time. You do so by saving the energy and using it to do something productive or meaningful instead. In other words, you become effective. Very effective. And that is the mark of time management.

When we are operating at our optimum level, we have energy and desire to accomplish the tasks at hand. We can wake up earlier, run that extra mile and read another book to our kids. We won’t be so tired as to forget to give our children a big hug and pat on the back. And let’s not diminish the possibility that by turning off our unproductive thinking we might just find extra joy, peace and happiness in the process. We really do need to give our minds a rest.

Tomorrow we will discuss just how to do that.

ceoMom 101

Mental clutter, which is obsessive thinking, takes from you what you need most as a mom: energy and focus. Thinking about the same event repeatedly, what you should have said and what you could have changed keep you occupied. Worrying about what could happen and playing the “what if?” game holds you captive. This is mental clutter and it stops you from fully realizing your time management potential. You certainly cannot get everything done or have energy for the important things in life if you are constantly being somewhere else. It’s time to clean out your internal junk drawer.

To get a deep clean, some moms need professional help. If that is you, please seek the help you need to reach your highest potential. For other moms, you might just need a good spring cleaning. You do this with the 3-A system. Sort of sounds like a vacuum cleaner and you could see it that way. Let’s suck those thoughts right out of you. Here’s how in three steps:

1. Awareness
Sometimes all you need is to become aware of your thoughts. The moment you become aware of your broken record or unproductive thinking patterns, the thoughts will cease. It’s that easy. If you simply catch yourself repeating a story in your head, it will stop. If you hear yourself thinking about the past or a worry about the future, it will stop. You just have to notice it. Awareness is often all it takes to discontinue old patterns.

If your unproductive thoughts continue, challenge them. Simply ask: “Is this true?” or are you making up a story? It is a waste of energy to create stories and scenarios that may never happen. It is also a waste of energy to dwell on the past and “what could have been.” Those are stories too. Moreover, spinning about what someone said or did does not serve you either. All of this takes your mind away from what truly matters: Now. In a world of no guarantees, all we have is today.

Now is when your children need you. Now is when you can make a choice to form a new outcome. Now is what counts. Even when tomorrow comes, it will happen now. Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life.

2. Acceptance
Sometimes all you can do and all you need to do is accept life as it is. We spend so much energy fighting life wishing it was different. Accepting the way things are can immediately lower your stress level and conserve your energy. You can’t change the past and you are right where you are regardless of where you would rather be.

When you accept life or a situation as it is and stop fighting it, you will find energy to find solutions and passage ways you didn’t see before. A tired mom once accepted she would always be tired and instead of spending the energy on fighting being tired, used that energy to feel more awake. Another mom accepted she was a single parent now and instead of using her energy to wish things were different, she spent it on becoming the best darn single mom around. And yet another mom who constantly worried about the future, turned that energy into spending more quality time with her kids. All of these moms became present.

If you find yourself in a bind, ask yourself: “What do I have to worry about this very moment?” Often times, we take the future and add it to our current situation. “What am I going to do if my baby won’t sleep through the night again?” “If I can’t handle one child, how am I going to handle two?” “What am I going to do when I have to go back to work?” We often bury our current moment with agonizing thoughts of the future. Bring yourself back to only what you have to consider for the current moment. When you do this, typically you’ll answer the question: “What do I have to worry about this very moment?” with: “Right now, I don’t have to worry really about anything” or you’ll know exactly what needs to be done and you’ll find a renewed focus.

When you can just accept that life is sometimes crazy and you learn to go with the flow, your stress immediately reduces. Remember, you are not trying to accomplish everything on your list; you are just trying to get more of what you want. Sometimes accepting the way things are is the way to open up life.

3. Amusement
Find enjoyment in whatever you are doing. You can always find joy in your tasks if you just look for it. If your child drew all over the walls, take a photo of it to be hung in his art gallery one day. If you are baking potatoes, notice how pretty the aluminum foil looks. If you’re bored sitting through a soccer game, notice the blue sky and gentle breeze. There’s always good to be found if you are willing to look.

One obstacle to finding enjoyment is the perpetual need for more. “It’s never enough.” You need a bigger home, fresh paint on the walls, a nicer yard, a swimming pool and of course more time. It’s perfectly fine to desire improvements, but when it becomes necessary for your happiness, the “It’s never enough” syndrome makes you lose perspective. You know you have this problem when you’re never satisfied for long. You buy a house and within a year, you’re ready to move to a bigger one. Once you get one project done, you start another. You’ll be happy when…. In terms of time management, the need for more adds projects to your already full schedule. Finding contentment, on the other hand, frees up your time and energy and alleviates stress that comes with adding more to your plate.

Amusement simply means finding joy – even in the midst of chaos. Have you ever looked at your life and just started laughing? It’s humorous. Life is comical. If you are so stressed about your big list, just start to laugh. Besides, if it’s really that important, it’ll get done. Focus on your priorities and enjoy the journey.

Here are a few additional tips to help clear your mind:

-- Focus on one task at a time.
-- Whenever you feel you can’t stop thinking, take a deep breath. You can’t do both at the same time.
-- Examine your old habits and search for ways to change or eliminate them.
-- Stop regretting your failures and learn from your mistakes instead.
-- Determine if you have unreal expectations. Are you constantly disappointed?
-- Understand and see how everything in your life is connected.
-- Refuse to label people or events as “good” or “bad.”
-- Envision what you want your life to be like. Become that now.

Time management is really about putting yourself first. This includes clearing your mind and finding a peaceful place, along with figuring out your priorities. It’s simply getting more of what you want out of life. Now is the time to have it.

This concludes the ceoMom Workshop on Time Management. Thanks for being here!